A dream comes true. Too bad it was a nightmare.

drawing, job

As a non-native speaker, I sometimes wonder how the Englishmen came out with the idioms. I am not familiar with all of them, since what I wrote were usually technical papers and the language in such papers are very straightforward, nearly boring. My instructor in English scientific writing class mentioned that the style in scientific papers used to be more elegant, but since nowadays the scientific papers are also read by people coming from places where English are rarely used, the language should be simplified. Hence, the boring style.

(How I miss writing the boring technical papers!)

My boss has decided that I am not suitable for the job I am doing and my temporary contract will not be prolonged. The idiom of today is therefore: being laid-off. I was aware of this (that I am not suited for this job), plus I felt terrible at my job, so this was not something that came out of the blue (hey, another idiom!). But it still sucked to hear his criticism over my work. On the other hand, I did not get the job I applied for since there was someone else with a better background knowledge. Probably he/she has studied organic chemistry. These two less-than-nice news came at two consecutive days. It was heavy. Luckily I was already planning to go to a music festival, so at the festival I was dancing and jumping and screaming and crying.

Good news: I am free from the job I don’t like.

Bad news: I will be unemployed. My pride is hurt.

(I am very, very, VERY lucky that at the moment money is not really a problem. Lrrr* works and I can live with less.)

I have enough plans to occupy myself if I am unemployed between jobs next month, while looking for another job. Like making pictures. If you like to make water color/oil paint pictures then you must have noticed how much time it takes to make even a small painting.

Upon painting and uploading, I have made some decisions:

– I am not going to scan picture. I will photograph them with my iPhone.

– I will also upload my pictures to instagram, using the same name as this blog.

– I will use Photoscape to lightly retouch the pictures.

Enough important decisions for the time being. Weeks ago we went to the annual barbecue of our dear friend Eddy, who lives in a large farm. He plants Christmas trees, prunes, sunflowers, among others. I took many pictures with my iPhone with the thought to draw pictures from them.

Here is one:



I uploaded this to instagram, and I received two likes. Impressive, huh? I am now busy with another painting, a painting about the city I am living now. It is a landscape picture, and it is much more difficult than a detailed picture.

I will leave now and search the jobs-websites. See you next time soon!

*Lrrr is how I call my husband, since he has a new jogging pants with “L” and “R” printed on the left and right legs, and because we both love Futurama. And as he is Lrrr, my other name is now Ndnd.


A not so good start


I made this blog with the intention to write about more serious things and also about my projects (paintings etc), but I have been feeling down for a couple of days and cannot think about anything else.

It is about my job. For more than a year I have been working in an engineering company while finishing my PhD thesis. I don’t like the job as I am doing the same thing every project, and the nature of the job does not allow me to learn new substantial thing. I miss research and determined to find research jobs.

But economy is not doing very well at the moment, and research jobs is scarce to find. Lately, there are several positions that suit well with my background. I sent my cv to all positions, and last week I had an interview with one of those. The lucky person having the position will be leading research projects, so she/he will have people doing the experiments and analyses, and she/he will interpret the result and make reports and presentations. It sounds really good to me.

And I hear nothing after one week – I have enough experience with job-seeking that I know when the interview is going well, the company will take around 2 days to sent the feed back. So now I am 90% positive that I blew up the interview, and I cannot stop blaming my self.

When I finished doing an interview, usually I can feel if I would be accepted to the second round. With this one though, I could not – I feel some plus and minuses, but it is difficult to weigh what the final verdict will be. It was a rather tough interview as all the interviewers were experienced scientists and project managers. I am not really good in explaining what my ambition was and how I could manage conflict, partially because what I wanted is actually to be a professor and I always tried to prevent conflicts.

Everyday that I received no email, my hope was dying a bit. Now the hope is practically gone.

I am also not sure if I can still count on the other positions I applied for. These two other companies are larger companies and it could take a while before they can make any decisions.

So today I am back to zero, opening the websites for jobs, thinking about moving to another country or taking a postdoc. These two options are really not my favorite ones. I don’t like to live too far from my in-laws, as I am already very far away from my family. And postdoc fellows were not treated nicely – you have to work harder than a PhD student, earn a little bit more, but having children, when you are a woman, can cost you the position as there is nobody to cover your back when you are away.

But dragging my body to the job I don’t like is also not an option – I am really, really afraid that I will be staying here, letting my brains and research capability die as I am no longer practicing it.


I am rather desperate now, but I have to keep moving. This is not the last post with ‘job-seeking’ tag.